The System Fails Constantly!

Yes, "The System" did fail both my children and myself in several different areas, however I actually consider myself fortunate that it wasn't worse. I never lost custody of my children and there are many men that have. I have heard horror stories of good men completely alienated from their children for no good reason at all. "The System" is still heavily skewed in favor of the woman, in respect to who is granted physical custody and who has final decision making power.

I won that battle; and yes, the entire case from start to finish was handled by the same judge; and yes, there was a law guardian appointed for my children. There were also forensic evaluations done.One problem here is "Joint Custody". The entire Family Court System, from the Judge, to the Law Guardian to the Court appointed forensic evaluators, are all stuck on the belief that the children should have unrestricted access to both parents. If both parents truly have the children's' best interest at heart; that's wonderful, but far too often that is not the case and one parent or the other should be granted sole custody.

Another problem is that once your case is settled, you're really on your own. Even though my Order Of Custody And Visitation clearly states all of the requirements that my "ex" has to meet in order to maintain her visitation privileges and even though the Law Guardian was left on the case for a year after it was settled, I still get no help. I have sent numerous letters in regards to the requirements that are not being met and how my children's' safety and emotional well being are at risk; and the only response that I have gotten is "Well, if you want to change the visitation schedule, your going to have to take her back to court".

Signed, Regular Guy

Understanding The System

The System Sucks!

One of the first things that you need to understand about our judicial system is that nobody really cares. The courts are overwhelmed with cases and their main objective is to get you to settle the case on your own. If that is at all possible, I would suggest that you try. It will save you a lot of time, money and aggravation. If this is not possible because your “hopefully soon to be ex” is completely unreasonable, unstable, violent, incompetent and/or just plain crazy (as in my case) and will fight, lie, cheat and cause chaos in the court room (again, as in my case) keep in mind that the judge doesn’t know who’s telling the truth even though it may be painfully apparent.

If there are allegations of drug abuse, you will have to go for a drug test. If there are allegations of physical or mental abuse, Social Services and/or Child Protective Services will be coming to your home. It does not matter who makes the allegations first or if the allegations against you are purely retaliatory. Get ready for the long haul, stay calm and be accommodating. There are plenty of people and lots of websites out there that will tell you about your “rights” in regards to submitting to drug tests and allowing Social Services into your home. Some of them are correct and actually make good points, however as unfair as it is and as degrading as it is, if you “hide” behind your “rights” you “look” guilty.

Remember, everyone is basically looking to “cover their own asses” so therefore you should do the same. Whatever you are asked or ordered to do; whatever the other party is asked or ordered to do; what you both actually do; any and all visits from Social Services; all visits and phone calls with your children and any behavior patterns that develop as a result; DOCUMENT EVERYTHING IN DETAIL.



Signed, Regular Guy