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Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Clampett Family Cult

Just a little background on Cruella's family...

Let’s begin with the Cult Leader; Lucifer is Cruella’s father. He claims to be a devout Christian however; nothing could be further from the truth. He is a complete hypocrite who was under investigation by the State Police several years ago for a period of approximately six months. He was arrested and charged with indecent exposure and lewd conduct. He claimed that he was urinating on the side of the road. (You can draw your own conclusions as to what he was really doing.) He was able to plead the charge down to something lesser due to his age and his lack of an arrest record.

Next; Big Cruella is Cruella’s adoptive mother. Cruella’s biological mother is actually her aunt, (Big Cruella’s younger sister), who is a Paranoid Schizophrenic. Big Cruella; also a self proclaimed devout Christian was recently convicted of grand larceny and fraud for stealing from the elderly and disabled. Big Cruella’s biological parents were actually first cousins and the family/cult has quite a history of mental illness, mental retardation and incest.

Rumor has it; that Lucifer is Cruella’s biological father. The Clampett Compound as I understand it now, was a sort of flophouse for a wide variety of extended family rejects. Apparently there was always some unwanted, needy, dejected or even deranged cousin or aunt or uncle living there for Lucifer to prey on in addition to his own offspring of which there are four boys; Dolph, Dilbert, Dopey and Luke. In addition to Cruella, there is one sister Dizzie.

The only one to truly escape the control of Lucifer and BC (Big Cruella) is Luke and certainly not without scars. He is a good man, a true Christian and along with his wife Mary, they have denounced The Cult and have stood up for what’s right. They have given amazing support to me and my children. Luke grew up in the compound and after he married Mary they both lived there. They witnessed countless atrocities and finally escaped with their two children shortly after The Clampett Family/Cult’s facade began to crumble.

To Be Continued…

Signed, Regular Guy


  1. You were really married to this? Eegads!

  2. LOL....Unfortunately, yes. I'm almost ashamed to admit it but that's not why I'm remaining anonymous. I can only imagine what the repercussions would be on my children and myself if those "crazies" were to catch wind of this!

  3. ok you have to give us another installment, you are making my family look like they are normal by all means lol

  4. Oh, there's more a comin'... and I'm glad I could be of assistance im making your family seem normal. lol

  5. kat and regular guy.
    Yeah, my family ain't looking too bad either at this point. Heh. Almost took the fun out of my making fun of them. i'll have to use your stories from now on. *just kiddin'*


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