Some Things Never Change

So, you may be wondering what's going on now? Well... Cruella still has Borderline Personality Disorder, she's still Bipolar, she's still basically non-functioning, she's on & off her meds and she's not in therapy. She's unemployed again. She can't seem to hold down a job for more than three months before she either gets fired for chronic lateness or excessive absences. Either that or she has to quit because she's being grossly mistreated or abused or she's being sexually harassed or she's being stalked or some other self-fabricated delusion. One of my favorite ways to describe her (without using profanity) is that she's "predictably unpredictable" and you just never know what to expect.

You may also remember that Cruella was supposed to begin unsupervised, overnight visitation with the children back in January of this year when she finally got her own apartment, (thanks to section 8 welfare.) That was put on hold due to Lilly's allegations of years of being sexually abused by Snake. Well... a CPS investigation has been done along with a police investigation and even though Lilly filed a formal complaint and Snake actually admitted to some of the allegations; because the last time that it happened was over three years ago when Snake was a minor and the allegations did not surface until after Snake turned 18, apparently nothing can be done unless Lilly admits to actual intercourse. (You just gotta love our fucking justice system!)

Both investigations are now closed. Lilly is in regular therapy now and is doing about as well as could be expected , considering what she's been through and it is suspected that she's gone through much more than she's been able to divulge so far. There has been no mention of overnight visits from Cruella or from the kids. I have not heard "BOO" from Ms. Sleepy since February. Snake actually got a job supposedly, which would be his first ever in almost 19 years on this planet. (We'll see how long that lasts.) I have to say it's been a little bit too quiet. I hope this isn't the calm before the storm. The State Police are sending me Snake's admission of guilt so that I can add it to my arsenal for when and if "The Battle For Overnights" begins. I'm standing firm in my position that I cannot allow my children to sleep overnight in the same house or to be left alone with an admitted incestuous sexual deviant who, and I quote "just wanted to practice" and called it "fake sex."

Signed, Regular Guy

I Woke Up Ms. Sleepy!

As I stated in my last post, "Let's Talk About The Law Guardian" it has been extremely difficult to invoke any type of response from her office. Although my case has already been settled (Oh...the stories I have about getting to that point) Ms. Sleepy was left on the case for one year from the date of settlement,which is rapidly approaching. The allegations of sexual abuse against Snake did not come to light until months after the settlement.

According to my Order of Custody and Visitation, once Cruella secures suitable housing, which she did in January of this year, (thanks to our tax dollars) her bi-weekly Saturday and Sunday daytime visits graduate to Friday night to Sunday night full weekend visits and Snake lives in the house with her. With unsupervised, overnight visits for Cruella with the children lurking around the corner; I'm sure that you can only imagine my frustration.

This is the last letter that I wrote to Ms. Sleepy and "low and behold", I got a response!

Regular Guy

100 Anywhere Road

Mytown, New York 12345

(999) 867-5309

February 15, 2008

VIA FAX TO: (999) 999-999

Bertha B. Sleepy, Esq.

Dead End Street

Nowhereville, New York 11111

In re: Sam, Daisey and Princess

Dear Ms. Sleepy:

I must say that I am quite disappointed that I still have not heard back from your office regarding my most recent letter to you (dated 1/31/08). A copy of same is attached for your review. I am sure that you are very busy and I intend no disrespect, however my children’s welfare and safety are at risk. Please be advised of the following:

• On Thursday night, 1/31/08 Snake was questioned by investigators Columbo and Caine.
• Snake actually admitted to a portion of the allegations made against him by his sister Lilly.
• The investigators believe that he would have admitted to more; however the interview was interrupted by a frantic phone call from Cruella instructing Snake to stop talking.
• The next day an anonymous report was filed with CPS stating that Rocco “smokes crack in front of his daughter Lilly”. (a blatant lie)
• As I’m sure that you are aware, CPS must investigate all reports. The CPS investigator handling this case is Eliza Tumee.
• I spoke at length with Ms. Tumee about the background of my case and Rocco’s and expressed to her that I am 100 percent sure that this is yet another one of Cruella’s retaliatory, fraudulent reports.

Everyone that I have spoken to, both personally and professionally is in agreement with me in that my children should not be exposed to Snake at all and most certainly not overnight. I expect that as my children’s Law Guardian, you will be looking into all of this and help me to protect my children. Cruella is not a stable person and will stop at nothing to cover up the truth including exposing my children to an admitted sexual deviant and known drug abuser. If Cruella is to continue her visitation with the children, I need to see the proof that she is maintaining her therapy and medications as per the Court Order. This is my second request. Please forward to me immediately any and all written documentation from her doctor confirming her compliance with the Court Order. Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.

Sincerely,

Regular Guy

The short response: Cruella still has visitation but no "overnights" until all of this is resolved. Oh...and she's not allowed to leave the kids alone with Snake anymore either!

Signed, Regular Guy

Let's Talk About The Law Guardian

In any custody battle, a Law Guardian is appointed for the children. He/She is the children's advocate, basically their own personal attorney, independent of both parents and their attorneys. It is the Law Guardian's job to make sure that the children's best interests are paramount throughout all court proceedings and typically should remain on the case for one year after it is settled.

Unfortunately you don't get to choose your children's Law Guardian. Although you do have the right to request a new one if you are unhappy with the one that was dealt to your children, you just never know what the next card in the deck is going to be, not to mention the fact that the court frowns upon these types of requests and may look at you as if you are just trying to be difficult. Your request very well may be denied and now you have to live with the one that you have just offended.

I chose to stick with the hand that I was dealt and basically had to do her job for her by documenting everything and just bombarding her with information that she could not ignore, although she certainly did try. I just wasn't havin' it!

This is a copy of one of the many letters that I've sent to the Law Guardian.

Regular Guy

100 Anywhere Road

Mytown, New York 12345

(999) 867-5309

January 31, 2008

VIA FAX TO: (999) 999-999

Bertha B. Sleepy, Esq.

Dead End Street

Nowhereville, New York 11111

In re: Sam, Daisey and Princess

Dear Ms. Sleepy:

I received a telephone call from Chipper at your office on 1/23/08 at approximately 9:30 am. She advised me that you were in receipt of my letter dated 1/17/08. She also advised me that Cruella was coming in that afternoon to meet with you in regard to starting overnight visits with the children. She asked me several questions about the allegations of sexual abuse that have been made against my children’s half brother Snake who lives with Cruella. I answered her questions and also gave her the telephone number to reach Investigator Columbo, who is leading this investigation. At the end of our conversation she said, “I’ll keep you posted.”

I have not heard back from your office since then, and I have left two messages. I would like to know the outcome of your meeting with Cruella as her next scheduled visitation is this weekend; and would like to bring your attention to the following:

• On 1/23/08 Cruella came to my house for a scheduled Wednesday afternoon visit with the children. She was 15 minutes late picking them up and 15 minutes late dropping them off. (Please see attached letter to Cruella dated 1/23/08)
• At the conclusion of said visit, my daughter Daisy informed me that they were late coming home because; “ The potatoes weren’t ready, so we had to eat meatloaf in the car on the way home and we had to stop at CVS to get Snake a magazine and I was freezing because Mommy had the window open the whole time.”
• At therapy, the next evening the children informed both the therapist and myself that according to their mother, they are definitely sleeping over her house on their next visit and that she has been waiting to celebrate Christmas with them until they can finally sleep over. I get the same story every single time they see or talk to Cruella.
• I have asked Cruella on more than one occasion to please forward me her new mailing address, (also part of the court order) but I get no response.

On 1/30/08 Cruella came to my house for her next scheduled Wednesday afternoon visit. She had not spoken to the children since her last visit. She arrived 10 minutes early to pick them up and brought them home 35 minutes late. My son Sam called me at 7:40 pm from Cruella’s cell phone, at which point they were already 10 minutes late, to let me know that: “Mommy forgot her purse at her house so we had to turn around because she needs gas.”

Based on these and countless other observations, I find it hard to believe that Cruella is maintaining her therapy and medications. Cruella’s personality disorder is chronic, pervasive and lifelong. You will be off this case in August of this year and it is ultimately my responsibility to make sure that when my children are with Cruella that they are in as healthy an environment as possible. You specifically told me at our last meeting on 1/14/08 that Cruella had supplied you with proof that she is in fact in regular therapy and maintaining her medications as per the court order. Therefore, I respectfully request that you forward that proof to me immediately. Thank you.

Very truly yours,

Regular Guy

I did not get any response to this for almost two weeks, so I wrote her another with just a little bit of a stronger tone.

Signed, Regular Guy

The System Fails Constantly!

Yes, "The System" did fail both my children and myself in several different areas, however I actually consider myself fortunate that it wasn't worse. I never lost custody of my children and there are many men that have. I have heard horror stories of good men completely alienated from their children for no good reason at all. "The System" is still heavily skewed in favor of the woman, in respect to who is granted physical custody and who has final decision making power.

I won that battle; and yes, the entire case from start to finish was handled by the same judge; and yes, there was a law guardian appointed for my children. There were also forensic evaluations done.One problem here is "Joint Custody". The entire Family Court System, from the Judge, to the Law Guardian to the Court appointed forensic evaluators, are all stuck on the belief that the children should have unrestricted access to both parents. If both parents truly have the children's' best interest at heart; that's wonderful, but far too often that is not the case and one parent or the other should be granted sole custody.

Another problem is that once your case is settled, you're really on your own. Even though my Order Of Custody And Visitation clearly states all of the requirements that my "ex" has to meet in order to maintain her visitation privileges and even though the Law Guardian was left on the case for a year after it was settled, I still get no help. I have sent numerous letters in regards to the requirements that are not being met and how my children's' safety and emotional well being are at risk; and the only response that I have gotten is "Well, if you want to change the visitation schedule, your going to have to take her back to court".

Signed, Regular Guy

My Story (the short version)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.


Cruella and I have been separated since July of 2005. We had been married at that point for eight years and have three children together, (Sam, Daisy and Princess). Cruella also has two children from her first marriage to Rocco, (Lilly and Snake). Cruella always had “issues”, and became increasingly more unstable as the years went by. In July of 2005 she attacked me on our front lawn in front of our children. I packed all the kids in my truck and left for the evening. The next day Cruella got on a plane and left us to visit a friend and “take a break”. I went to the Court House and filed for an Order of Protection and a temporary Order of Custody. While she was gone, she harassed me every day by telephone with all sorts of wild threats and accusations. When she came back, she was granted visitation rights with the children in August of 2005, with the visits to be supervised by her sister Dizzie. The very first visit went horribly wrong, with Cruella and Dizzie bringing my, then three year old daughter Princess to Our Town Hospital Center and making false allegations of sexual abuse against me in a failed attempt to reverse custody. As a result, it was then ordered that further visitation take place at Visitation Services Inc. at the Our Town County Courthouse.

In October of 2005, Cruella was admitted to the psychiatric unit at Our Town Hospital Center after a failed suicide attempt. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder and her global assessment of functioning on a scale of 10 to 100 is a 30. She was put on medication for the Bipolar Disorder, which helps her to act in a more appropriate manner when it is in her own best interest. However, this seems to mask the underlying problem which is the Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder is not treatable with medication and there is a very low success rate of “BP’s” ever learning how to function in society even with intense talk therapy. Cruella is not in therapy. She only sees her doctor for medication management. She does not remember things as they actually happen. She either twists the facts to fit her feelings or simply fabricates her own “facts”. She projects her own problems, issues and shortcomings onto my children, myself and many others. She is completely unstable and unable to take care of herself, never mind the children.

Her adoptive mother, Big Cruella continued to help Cruella to manipulate “the system” in an effort to get money and, or assistance. In Big Cruella’s County, Cruella had applied for welfare and section-8 housing, claiming that she was disabled and could not work, yet in Our Town County she claimed to be a capable parent and was seeking unsupervised visitation with the children. However, she continued to prove that her main objective was to get money from me even at her own children’s expense. Cruella had been a financial burden throughout our entire marriage. She still claims that she did not work because she was a “stay at home mom” taking care of the children. This is far from the truth. She would constantly interrupt my work day to tend to both her needs and the needs of the children, stating that she “needed a break”. She would go on manic spending sprees with money that we did not have, writing bad checks, running up credit card bills, doctor bills and simply wasted money on nonsense to make herself feel better. Our home went into foreclosure. We’ve had to borrow money from family and friends on more than one occasion. My best friend, Buddy is still owed more than $40,000 and my father is owed between $15,000 and $20,000 along with over $80,000 in other debts.

My financial situation is now even more desperate due to several different factors. I am in the construction business and the downturn in the real estate market has affected my income tremendously. Between the time and money spent on this court case, and being a single parent raising three children, I have even less time to focus on business. I have “jumped through hoops” and followed every single order of the court to the absolute best of my ability while she did nothing but demand money. My main objective is to love, protect and provide for my children. Not only does Cruella make no attempt to help support them, she actually takes away from them. She has been given unsupervised visitation and continues to disappoint the children with her false promises. She has no concern for their emotional well being and has actually left my 12 year old son Sam alone with his 18 year old half brother Snake, who is currently under investigation for sexually abusing his sister Lilly, who has been living with her father, Rocco since this all began. I have lost my house and had to close my store and have restructured my business in order to be home for my children; and the court system, in it’s infinite wisdom has ordered me to pay her maintenance when it is me that has to maintain everything. It is very clear that I will be the sole provider for my children in every sense of the word and that’s just fine, but I feel that Cruella should be held accountable. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that she ever will be, however I do believe that “what goes around, comes around” and I just hope that when that day comes, that I’m around to see it.

Signed, Regular Guy