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Saturday, July 12, 2008

The Abyss of Loneliness

I haven't shared any creative writing or poetry in a while... so i thought I'd share one :-)

I wrote this several months ago now when I was feeling a bit lonely as I think we all sometimes do. It's kinda funny how you can be surrounded by people who love and support you and yet still feel all alone sometimes.

And; NO this was not inspired by Cruella ;-)

The Abyss of Loneliness

The silence deafens me as I stare into the abyss...

the abyss of loneliness...

It beckons me with voices and visions from the past...

At last...

my dulled senses begin to burn with the pain of loss...

my cross...

I grasp for the illusions created in my mind and in my soul...

the hole...

I fall into the abyss... the abyss of loneliness

Signed, Regular Guy

Saturday, July 5, 2008

From Wit's End To An Epiphany (the conclusion)

Ok... Sorry for the long delay... I'm going to try to cut to the chase here, get to the point (which is my simple little epiphany) and and put this bitch to bed!

I think that I've made my point as to how and why I got to "wit's end". It was late Thursday night, after "the attack"... I drove around a bit with the kids. At that point in time, Crulla's family was still completely on my side. Of course... hind sight always being 20/20... I now realize that the majority of them were just strokin' me in fear that I would actually do something about my situation which in turn would dump Cruella back into their fuckin' laps. I wound up at my brother-in-law Dopey's house... explained what had just happened and he told me point blank... "RG... no matter what you feel you have to do... I'll never think any less of you... blah blah blah" I made it clear that I was not going to tolerate this shit any longer and that I did not want the kids around her until she got some kind of help. Her entire family offered to help me out with the kids until I figured out what to do with Cruella.

The next day and a half was complete fucking madness. I'm going to skip all of the gory details because this post would be ten pages long... but basically... I endured a non-stop, rapid-fire assault of delusional accusations and threats. She told me she was leaving Saturday morning for Timbuktu... she had been telling me for months that she wanted to "get away"... that she was going to go visit her friend Natalie in Timbuktu. I actually encouraged it... but knew it would never happen because Cruella never followed through with anything that she said she was going to do.

I had left for work early Saturday morning... the kids were with Cruella's sister Dizzie and she had not spoken to them nor asked for them since Thursday night. She was calling my cell phone every five minutes demanding money so that she could leave for Timbuktu. She told me she booked a flight but her credit card was declined and she needed cash. I told her that I was broke and that she should have her friend Natalie pay for the trip and if she really fuckin' went... I would pay Natalie back... So she told me... "Fuck you... I know you have money... you're hiding everything from me... I'm going to your shop now and I'm taking the cash box... By the way RG... where are you?"

I had just pulled in to a gas station about 15 minutes away from my shop and I told her that and also told her to "go ahead and take the fuckin' box... there's probably fifty bucks in it!" She then proceeded to tell me that I was a liar and that she had me followed and that I wasn't at the gas station where I said I was... but instead I was actually in a hotel parking lot with Kelly, my secretary in her Lexus.

Now... there I was... in my pick-up truck... by myself... in the gas station parking lot... and the epiphany hit... I had to actually make her leave or nothing was ever going to change... it would only continue to get worse... I needed some time and space to plan my attack... so I told her to pack her bags, that I would take her to the airport... buy her ticket and put some cash in her pocket... so I stopped at the atm... pulled out $500.00 that I really didn't have to spend... called the airport and paid for her flight (yes, she actually really had booked it) and I put her ass on a plane to Timbuktu!

Now... you may be saying to yourself... that's it?... that's the epiphany?... that's what I've been waiting for?... Let me explain... Three long years of dealing with our fucked up family court system and watching what has happened to so many others in similar situations to mine has only served to reinforce that my "silly little epiphany" was the absolute key to my success.

The plain simple truth is... as crazy and unfair as it may sound is... if you leave, you lose... basically... it's a million times easier to fight to keep your kids rather than have to fight to get them back... While Cruella was gone... I got an order of protection against her... when she got back... she was not allowed in the house... she was not allowed to contact me... and she was not allowed within 500 feet of me or the children and the rest is history... but don't worry... I will give you all many more details of how it all played out... but please remember... it' critical to your success... Never leave your house or your kids, no matter what!

Signed, Regular Guy

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