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Saturday, July 5, 2008

From Wit's End To An Epiphany (the conclusion)

Ok... Sorry for the long delay... I'm going to try to cut to the chase here, get to the point (which is my simple little epiphany) and and put this bitch to bed!

I think that I've made my point as to how and why I got to "wit's end". It was late Thursday night, after "the attack"... I drove around a bit with the kids. At that point in time, Crulla's family was still completely on my side. Of course... hind sight always being 20/20... I now realize that the majority of them were just strokin' me in fear that I would actually do something about my situation which in turn would dump Cruella back into their fuckin' laps. I wound up at my brother-in-law Dopey's house... explained what had just happened and he told me point blank... "RG... no matter what you feel you have to do... I'll never think any less of you... blah blah blah" I made it clear that I was not going to tolerate this shit any longer and that I did not want the kids around her until she got some kind of help. Her entire family offered to help me out with the kids until I figured out what to do with Cruella.

The next day and a half was complete fucking madness. I'm going to skip all of the gory details because this post would be ten pages long... but basically... I endured a non-stop, rapid-fire assault of delusional accusations and threats. She told me she was leaving Saturday morning for Timbuktu... she had been telling me for months that she wanted to "get away"... that she was going to go visit her friend Natalie in Timbuktu. I actually encouraged it... but knew it would never happen because Cruella never followed through with anything that she said she was going to do.

I had left for work early Saturday morning... the kids were with Cruella's sister Dizzie and she had not spoken to them nor asked for them since Thursday night. She was calling my cell phone every five minutes demanding money so that she could leave for Timbuktu. She told me she booked a flight but her credit card was declined and she needed cash. I told her that I was broke and that she should have her friend Natalie pay for the trip and if she really fuckin' went... I would pay Natalie back... So she told me... "Fuck you... I know you have money... you're hiding everything from me... I'm going to your shop now and I'm taking the cash box... By the way RG... where are you?"

I had just pulled in to a gas station about 15 minutes away from my shop and I told her that and also told her to "go ahead and take the fuckin' box... there's probably fifty bucks in it!" She then proceeded to tell me that I was a liar and that she had me followed and that I wasn't at the gas station where I said I was... but instead I was actually in a hotel parking lot with Kelly, my secretary in her Lexus.

Now... there I was... in my pick-up truck... by myself... in the gas station parking lot... and the epiphany hit... I had to actually make her leave or nothing was ever going to change... it would only continue to get worse... I needed some time and space to plan my attack... so I told her to pack her bags, that I would take her to the airport... buy her ticket and put some cash in her pocket... so I stopped at the atm... pulled out $500.00 that I really didn't have to spend... called the airport and paid for her flight (yes, she actually really had booked it) and I put her ass on a plane to Timbuktu!

Now... you may be saying to yourself... that's it?... that's the epiphany?... that's what I've been waiting for?... Let me explain... Three long years of dealing with our fucked up family court system and watching what has happened to so many others in similar situations to mine has only served to reinforce that my "silly little epiphany" was the absolute key to my success.

The plain simple truth is... as crazy and unfair as it may sound is... if you leave, you lose... basically... it's a million times easier to fight to keep your kids rather than have to fight to get them back... While Cruella was gone... I got an order of protection against her... when she got back... she was not allowed in the house... she was not allowed to contact me... and she was not allowed within 500 feet of me or the children and the rest is history... but don't worry... I will give you all many more details of how it all played out... but please remember... it' critical to your success... Never leave your house or your kids, no matter what!

Signed, Regular Guy


  1. R.G. - good for you. You are SO dead on - if you leave, you lose. And good for you for recognizing it and even shelling out the $500 bucks you didn't have. I bet it was a drop in the bucket compared to what you and your family's endured, and a small price to pay to be able to get the order of protection against her.

    God love you for what you do, what you endure, and what you stand for - your kids!

  2. Thanks for the kind words Dette... and ohh yaaa... it was probably the smartest thing I've ever done... and definitely her fatal mistake!

  3. Thats a pretty good epiphany. I actually thought you were gonna tell her "yup, you got me, Im here at a motel with my secretary and we're fucking right now as we are talking on the phone. So, are you gonna leave to Tim-fuckin'-buktu or what?" Good thing you got that situation under control, well as best you could.

  4. Hey fly-boy... yeah... that would have served her right for sure... but probably would not have been quite as productive... lol

  5. I'll say that was the best investment you have ever made and it was no silly epiphany more like magnificent, liberating or enormous, but I waited 12 years for that epihany and I am stil reaping the benefits. Looking back it was the smartest move you have ever made and the best advice as long as it falls in the right reader's hands...

  6. Hey Erin... bout' time you showed back up ;-)

    It is funny how a simple idea can have such an enormous impact and yeah... you're right I do suppose it could be used for evil too...

    Mmm-waaa ha ha ha ha ;-)

  7. sounds like the best 500+ dollars you spent. what drama she is.

  8. Well, it's about time. ;-)

    But of course, I still need MORE!

    If mine said she wanted a flight to the freakin' moon, I'd send her. We went this past weekend to the university my stepson will be attending in the fall, along with her parents, and when they started telling him at dinner what a nice school it looked to be and such, she butted in and started asking questions about the idea of HER going back to school. Not just any school either, she wants to go to medical school and become some kind of specialist. Totally overid her own son's moment of enjoyment to butt in her own need to be validated and paid attention to. And I hear you about the whole never following through on things she says she's going to do thing.

    What I'm wondering about is what did you use as the reason to get your order of protection in place? And I know I've asked about this visitation stuff before, and I know that permanent supervised is not typically done, but is there nothing in place where you could have the situation evaluated again and get supervised visits put back in place? Also, do you have any advice on what someone could do that maybe you didn't that could substantially reduce the cost of getting the divorce when compared to what you had to shell out? I do not make a lot of money, and am tight on bills as it is. I could manage with just me and my son, but having to pay her some kind of support would certainly tip the balance and cause me to most likely lose my home, thus potentially disrupting my son's school assignment (something I thought the courts did not want to see happen). I keep looking for that something that would make doing the break appealing in some way, but having my own personal freedom is just not worth putting myself in the poor house, losing my home, and having to worry about my son spending unsupervised time with her. I'm just so stuck in the position of scratching my head and not believing there's not some better way of things turning out.

    Anyway, any advice you might have in my direction would certainly be appreciated.


  9. Hey natural... yup it was and yes she is!... lol

  10. Hey Bullet...

    The order of protection was based on the attack on the front lawn... of course I wanted it to be based on a ten year history of verbal and mental abuse however the court only wanted one specific incident and it was granted solely on my word with no police report.

    In respect to the supervised visitation... once it ends... it's over... and if she starts fuckin' up... you have to take her back to court... but at that point you shouldn't really even need a lawyer...

    But to start out your going to need a decent attorney... you definitely don't have to spend $375.00 per hour like I did... You should be able to get away with between $225.00 - $275.00... Go on a bunch of free consultations... don't just hire someone and remember... they work for you... not the other way around... explain your financial situation because you can also do some of the work yourself... filing papers and documents if you have some time to spend at the law library and the court house...

    I hope some of this helps you out... I feel for ya... don't hesitate to ask me anything dude.

  11. Wow, I have to say that even though it's been crazy for you, it defly makes one hell of a good read.

  12. Thanks dani c.... stay tuned... there's way more to come ;-)

  13. My husband left the home that he had shared with his ex-girlfriend. The home was in HIS parents' names and he still left with only his clothes and his bike. He just wanted out THAT bad. He had been the "stay at home dad" from 8-6 Mon-Fri while ex-gf worked (for an attorney...he was screwed right from the start) and he worked nights/weekends. Being the kids' primary caretaker meant nothing to the family court in terms of getting shared time with them. They refused to grant it unless "mom said it was ok". I don't know WTH "joint custody" is supposed to mean but apparently it is only the moms who get to define that phrase.

  14. Hey syn... thanks for stoppin' in...

    For all intents and purposes... "joint custody" is really just a meaningless term most of the time.

    More often than not... it is the mother that is awarded primary/physical custody and with that comes the power of final decision making yet they still call it "joint custody"... basically just so that the father "feels" like he got something... when in reality ... all he got was some weekend visitation and maybe a few hours 1 day a week... if she allows it... if she doesn't... all he can do is take her back to court.

    Sorry about your husband's situation... it actually reinforces my point... He left... He lost... The reasons why he left are irrelevant to the court... It really is sad and unfair sometimes... but that's the way it is 99% of the time.

    Thanks for sharing :-)


    Instead of having your ENTIRE family dragged through a series of court events.. over and over and over again.. You pack up that problem and send it away.

    It's like the best decision I've ever ever ever heard of!

  16. Thanks Alexis... Glad you liked it ;-)

  17. Wow.

    I have been married to a wonderful man for six years now. He is the custodial parent to two awesome boys, making me the custodial stepmom. My stepsons have spent more of their life with me, than they have with their mom.

    You are so right about leaving----my husband is an amazing father, but the only reason he has custody is because she left. While it was hard on him in the beginning, I know that he looks back and thanks God that things played out that way. Otherwise, he would be left as a part time parent dealing with the ill effects of her mental instability and the influence on the boys.

  18. Thanks for the comment Mrs. H.... It's kinda sad how the same amazing father... more than likely... would not have custody... if he had been the one to leave.


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