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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

How It All Began

How It All Began.....

I have been asked many times over the years; “How did you wind up with such a psycho?” “Didn’t you realize that something was wrong?” “Why the hell did you marry her?” And; “Why didn’t you get out sooner?” Well; here it is, the good the bad and the ugly….

I was introduced to Cruella in 1994 by my best friend Buddy’s secretary Dipsy. Dipsy’s son went to kindergarten with Cruella’s son Snake. I was “on the rebound” from what I thought at the time was the worst relationship that I had ever or would ever have. Oh Boy was I mistaken! Cruella told me horror stories about how she was abused by her ex-husband Rocco and how he could only see their kids through a supervised visitation program. She had two little children; Snake was 5 years old and Lilly was 3. She told me that she had to have Rocco removed from the house by police after he punched her in the stomach while she was pregnant with Lilly. Cruella shared a house with her brother Luke and his wife Mary. Cruella and the kids lived upstairs and Luke and Mary lived downstairs. The house was owned by her parents, Lucifer and Big Cruella. Cruella told me about how her parents helped her out so much through her divorce that they were allowing her and the kids to live in the house rent free so she didn’t have to work while going to school to become a hairdresser. Cruella was very attractive back then and I fell for all this crap “hook, line and sinker.”

During the next few months I did notice some odd behavior and mood swings along with what appeared to be a definite insecurity complex which I wrote off to be the effects of the abuse she suffered and the stress of having to raise two young children on her own. She also told me that Rocco was taking her back to court for custody of her kids. Before I got a chance to figure out what was really going on and just how disturbed she really was, it was too late. Five months after we met, Cruella was pregnant. I did what I felt was the honorable thing and took responsibility my unborn child, for her and her two children. I rented a three bedroom townhouse and moved them all in. As the months went by the mood swings got worse. She began accusing me of things that I did not do. She believed that I was cheating on her and that I was lying to her about where I had been all day when I was supposed to be at work. She would come back to reality and tell me that she was just overwhelmed, that she was pregnant and hormonal and that if we got married she would feel much more secure in our relationship. Her family “backed her up”, making excuses for her behavior and praising me for what a wonderful man that I was. It’s ironic how it was Big Cruella that “let the cat out of the bag” when she told me that things would get better once Cruella and Rocco’s divorce was final. So no; Rocco wasn’t just taking her back to court for custody, he had just filed for divorce shortly after Cruella and I had met. When I confronted Cruella with this, she told me that she never said that they were actually divorced already and the only reason why they weren’t was because she couldn’t afford to file. I was just beginning to get a small glimpse into the world of chaos that was going to overtake my life.


They say that hind sight is always 20/20 and sometimes I do look back and think, I should have ran for the hills back then, however I foolishly believed that I could help Cruella. I couldn’t walk out on my unborn child and if I did. I would not have my other two beautiful children today.

Everything happens for a reason….Right?

Signed, Regular Guy

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Understanding The System

The System Sucks!

One of the first things that you need to understand about our judicial system is that nobody really cares. The courts are overwhelmed with cases and their main objective is to get you to settle the case on your own. If that is at all possible, I would suggest that you try. It will save you a lot of time, money and aggravation. If this is not possible because your “hopefully soon to be ex” is completely unreasonable, unstable, violent, incompetent and/or just plain crazy (as in my case) and will fight, lie, cheat and cause chaos in the court room (again, as in my case) keep in mind that the judge doesn’t know who’s telling the truth even though it may be painfully apparent.

If there are allegations of drug abuse, you will have to go for a drug test. If there are allegations of physical or mental abuse, Social Services and/or Child Protective Services will be coming to your home. It does not matter who makes the allegations first or if the allegations against you are purely retaliatory. Get ready for the long haul, stay calm and be accommodating. There are plenty of people and lots of websites out there that will tell you about your “rights” in regards to submitting to drug tests and allowing Social Services into your home. Some of them are correct and actually make good points, however as unfair as it is and as degrading as it is, if you “hide” behind your “rights” you “look” guilty.

Remember, everyone is basically looking to “cover their own asses” so therefore you should do the same. Whatever you are asked or ordered to do; whatever the other party is asked or ordered to do; what you both actually do; any and all visits from Social Services; all visits and phone calls with your children and any behavior patterns that develop as a result; DOCUMENT EVERYTHING IN DETAIL.

Signed, Regular Guy

Friday, February 8, 2008

My Story (the short version)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Cruella and I have been separated since July of 2005. We had been married at that point for eight years and have three children together, (Sam, Daisy and Princess). Cruella also has two children from her first marriage to Rocco, (Lilly and Snake). Cruella always had “issues”, and became increasingly more unstable as the years went by. In July of 2005 she attacked me on our front lawn in front of our children. I packed all the kids in my truck and left for the evening. The next day Cruella got on a plane and left us to visit a friend and “take a break”. I went to the Court House and filed for an Order of Protection and a temporary Order of Custody. While she was gone, she harassed me every day by telephone with all sorts of wild threats and accusations. When she came back, she was granted visitation rights with the children in August of 2005, with the visits to be supervised by her sister Dizzie. The very first visit went horribly wrong, with Cruella and Dizzie bringing my, then three year old daughter Princess to Our Town Hospital Center and making false allegations of sexual abuse against me in a failed attempt to reverse custody. As a result, it was then ordered that further visitation take place at Visitation Services Inc. at the Our Town County Courthouse.

In October of 2005, Cruella was admitted to the psychiatric unit at Our Town Hospital Center after a failed suicide attempt. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder and her global assessment of functioning on a scale of 10 to 100 is a 30. She was put on medication for the Bipolar Disorder, which helps her to act in a more appropriate manner when it is in her own best interest. However, this seems to mask the underlying problem which is the Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder is not treatable with medication and there is a very low success rate of “BP’s” ever learning how to function in society even with intense talk therapy. Cruella is not in therapy. She only sees her doctor for medication management. She does not remember things as they actually happen. She either twists the facts to fit her feelings or simply fabricates her own “facts”. She projects her own problems, issues and shortcomings onto my children, myself and many others. She is completely unstable and unable to take care of herself, never mind the children.

Her adoptive mother, Big Cruella continued to help Cruella to manipulate “the system” in an effort to get money and, or assistance. In Big Cruella’s County, Cruella had applied for welfare and section-8 housing, claiming that she was disabled and could not work, yet in Our Town County she claimed to be a capable parent and was seeking unsupervised visitation with the children. However, she continued to prove that her main objective was to get money from me even at her own children’s expense. Cruella had been a financial burden throughout our entire marriage. She still claims that she did not work because she was a “stay at home mom” taking care of the children. This is far from the truth. She would constantly interrupt my work day to tend to both her needs and the needs of the children, stating that she “needed a break”. She would go on manic spending sprees with money that we did not have, writing bad checks, running up credit card bills, doctor bills and simply wasted money on nonsense to make herself feel better. Our home went into foreclosure. We’ve had to borrow money from family and friends on more than one occasion. My best friend, Buddy is still owed more than $40,000 and my father is owed between $15,000 and $20,000 along with over $80,000 in other debts.

My financial situation is now even more desperate due to several different factors. I am in the construction business and the downturn in the real estate market has affected my income tremendously. Between the time and money spent on this court case, and being a single parent raising three children, I have even less time to focus on business. I have “jumped through hoops” and followed every single order of the court to the absolute best of my ability while she did nothing but demand money. My main objective is to love, protect and provide for my children. Not only does Cruella make no attempt to help support them, she actually takes away from them. She has been given unsupervised visitation and continues to disappoint the children with her false promises. She has no concern for their emotional well being and has actually left my 12 year old son Sam alone with his 18 year old half brother Snake, who is currently under investigation for sexually abusing his sister Lilly, who has been living with her father, Rocco since this all began. I have lost my house and had to close my store and have restructured my business in order to be home for my children; and the court system, in it’s infinite wisdom has ordered me to pay her maintenance when it is me that has to maintain everything. It is very clear that I will be the sole provider for my children in every sense of the word and that’s just fine, but I feel that Cruella should be held accountable. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that she ever will be, however I do believe that “what goes around, comes around” and I just hope that when that day comes, that I’m around to see it.

Signed, Regular Guy

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