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Sunday, June 8, 2008

From Wit's End To An Epiphany (Continued)

I didn't really think that taking the family away for a weekend at Wally World was going to solve anything and quite honestly, I seriously doubted that Cruella would follow through with her promise to start therapy when we returned from our little adventure... but... being at wit's end can make you do stupid things.

The entire trip was a disaster from the beginning. On the ride there... Cruella was writing down license plate numbers and making notes regarding all of the people that were supposedly following us. When we arrived at the hotel... she patrolled the parking lot... noticing strange men with head-phones and cameras... pretending like they were on vacation with their families.... but ohhh yes... she knew better... one guy actually had a police sticker on his car... it was a dead give-away... we were definitely being followed!

This crap went on all weekend. She was a paranoid freak everywhere we went. Nothing had changed except that we were a hundred or so miles away from home. When we did finally get home she denied ever telling me that she'd start therapy and that I probably hired those people to follow us to make her look crazy.

The following is an excerpt from my journal... just prior to my epihany...

"She's driving me crazy... everyday it's another new or repeat accusation and she does this in front of the kids... She had My 8yr old daughter ask me... " Daddy... Mommy wants to know why your cheating on her with Kelly"... She had my 3yr old daughter call me at work one day to ask... "Daddy... are you coming home... or are you going out with Kelly?" Kelly is my secretary... we're not having an affair... I've actually never even taken my own secretary out to lunch, because I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

Cruella has confrontations with pretty much anybody and everybody that she comes across. She accepts no responsibility for her actions... she denies them... changes the subject... makes up stories and blames everyone else. She has no respect for me or anyone else... She thinks that she can do or say whatever she wants to whoever she wants with absolutely no accountability or repercussions... Our children are learning what they live... I can't do this anymore... I have to stand up for them.

I have to stop enabling her... Cruella refuses to get help... denies that she needs it... tries to flip it on me... tells me I'm turning all her friends and family against her... she does that all on her own... she's always been unstable and has just progressively gotten worse and is now completely out of control...She can't handle anything... She never feels good... Everyday it's a different ailment... I'm the one who gets the kids up in the morning...I get them ready for school... camp... daycare or whatever while she lays in bed and waits until we're ready to leave ...then she gets up at the last minute to bitch about what somebody's wearing or something else that I or one of the kids should or shouldn't have done... She belittles and berates us all before we leave for the day.

She harasses me by phone throughout my work day... I can't focus on business at all and it's suffering... When I get home... I never know what to expect... Most of the time... she's either on the back deck... drinking or in bed with a headache... the kids usually haven't eaten or done their homework and are just running around wild with no supervision... and I'll get blamed for all of this... She'll say things such as... "I need a break!"... I can't do anything with these fucking brats"... "You keep me trapped here"... "Why don't you discipline your fucking kids!" She curses in front of them and at them constantly.

I'm not a doctor but I know she's mentally ill and needs help... We saw a therapist for a little while regarding her oldest son Snake who is now up at a Christian camp for troubled youth... He should be in jail... He started getting in trouble at about the age of 12... speaking out in class... disrespecting and actually threatening teachers... cutting class... doing drugs... selling drugs... robbing houses... lighting fires... sneaking out... driving without a license... violating probation... etc. He completely disrespects her... me and our kids... and of course she blames me... her ex-husband... the school... the teachers... the cops... whoever...But she accepts no responsibility whatsoever and he's just like her.

I will not allow that to happen to my kids... Sam is 9 and angry... Daisy is 8 and lost... Princess is only 3 and becoming very defiant.... I have to stop this madness."

To be continued...

Signed, Regular Guy


  1. Every time I read your posts, I want to give you a great big hug and a pat on the back. Since I can't do that, how about you just throw in an extra hug to each of your kids as a little token from me

  2. thx rachel... very sweet of you to say... i'll do that :-)

  3. You amaze me that you put up with that so long, you are a saint in my eyes

  4. well thanks kat... but i'm no saint... just a man with a mission ;-)

  5. This is such a sad story. Your journal reads of you being pushed to your limit trying to do it all. I'm sorry you had to live with this type of personality.

  6. Thx pentad... I have definitely been pushed to the edge and have come dangerously close to falling off at times... and yeah this was one of those times

  7. Hi. Your post caught my eye while I was EntreCard dropping. I'm so sorry for your situation---and really sorry for your poor, sweet kids. I hope you find sharing your story to be somewhat therapeutic and that you can find some real help soon.

    JD at I Do Things

  8. That was an amazing entry, partly because I am still surprised at the story I know so well -no matter how old it gets and also because I never heard that particular story.
    - I am Erin

  9. Thx for the comment jd and yes it is definitely somewhat theraputic...

    And... holy crap... Erin's in the house.... Finally one of my cast of characters speaks... lol

  10. Yes, Erin is in the house and that would lead to me to share my idea. Why don't you have guest bloggers? Not only am I a character in your story, but I have a whole series of my own.

    I am still Erin

  11. Erin... Erin... Erin... I would be honored to have you do a post or twelve... ha ha ha... now your committed... we'll talk about it soon ;-)

  12. what getting some one else to do your work, at least she might type faster lol just giving you shit RG kisses lol

  13. yeah.. yeah.. yeah.. whatever kat... but thx for the kisses.. right back atcha ;-)

  14. Hi R.G..... I just came across your story today, and it is a sad story, but also a success story.. You have your kids and that is a success! So many men in your position have been booted out of their homes with false r.o.'s and they are fighting just to have some kind of relationship with their kids. You were able to move fast and get custody; congratulations to you!

    I'm a moderator at , and, if you haven't come across our site, we'd be very happy to have you drop by and post the basics of your story (and a link to your blog) to inspire other fathers.

    Many fathers, afraid to leave their marriages because they fear that means leaving their kids, will want to know what you did and how you do it. We do have many fathers who have wrested custody of their kids from diagnosed or suspected bpd moms, but we do need those positive tales.. even when there is so much grief that goes along with the positive story.

    Again, congratulations and good luck as you move through the many obstacles that are still ahead of you.

  15. Hi Daisy,

    Thanks so much for your comment. I just checked out your site very briefly and must say that I am impressed. There appears to be a wealth of resources for both the BPD and the non-BPD as well.

    I think that I will most definitely at least jump onto your message boards and get a little bit involved in what you've got going on over there.

    My "epiphany" is going to be the culmination of this particular little mini series of posts. I can't spoil the surprise just yet, but let's just say it's quite simple but extremely effective, especially for a father who wants custody of his children.

    The family court system unfortunately is tragically flawed and and must be manipulated properly in order to achieve success and probably even more so when dealing with a BPD because they are generally master manipulators themselves.


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