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Friday, February 8, 2008

My Story (the short version)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Cruella and I have been separated since July of 2005. We had been married at that point for eight years and have three children together, (Sam, Daisy and Princess). Cruella also has two children from her first marriage to Rocco, (Lilly and Snake). Cruella always had “issues”, and became increasingly more unstable as the years went by. In July of 2005 she attacked me on our front lawn in front of our children. I packed all the kids in my truck and left for the evening. The next day Cruella got on a plane and left us to visit a friend and “take a break”. I went to the Court House and filed for an Order of Protection and a temporary Order of Custody. While she was gone, she harassed me every day by telephone with all sorts of wild threats and accusations. When she came back, she was granted visitation rights with the children in August of 2005, with the visits to be supervised by her sister Dizzie. The very first visit went horribly wrong, with Cruella and Dizzie bringing my, then three year old daughter Princess to Our Town Hospital Center and making false allegations of sexual abuse against me in a failed attempt to reverse custody. As a result, it was then ordered that further visitation take place at Visitation Services Inc. at the Our Town County Courthouse.

In October of 2005, Cruella was admitted to the psychiatric unit at Our Town Hospital Center after a failed suicide attempt. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder and her global assessment of functioning on a scale of 10 to 100 is a 30. She was put on medication for the Bipolar Disorder, which helps her to act in a more appropriate manner when it is in her own best interest. However, this seems to mask the underlying problem which is the Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder is not treatable with medication and there is a very low success rate of “BP’s” ever learning how to function in society even with intense talk therapy. Cruella is not in therapy. She only sees her doctor for medication management. She does not remember things as they actually happen. She either twists the facts to fit her feelings or simply fabricates her own “facts”. She projects her own problems, issues and shortcomings onto my children, myself and many others. She is completely unstable and unable to take care of herself, never mind the children.

Her adoptive mother, Big Cruella continued to help Cruella to manipulate “the system” in an effort to get money and, or assistance. In Big Cruella’s County, Cruella had applied for welfare and section-8 housing, claiming that she was disabled and could not work, yet in Our Town County she claimed to be a capable parent and was seeking unsupervised visitation with the children. However, she continued to prove that her main objective was to get money from me even at her own children’s expense. Cruella had been a financial burden throughout our entire marriage. She still claims that she did not work because she was a “stay at home mom” taking care of the children. This is far from the truth. She would constantly interrupt my work day to tend to both her needs and the needs of the children, stating that she “needed a break”. She would go on manic spending sprees with money that we did not have, writing bad checks, running up credit card bills, doctor bills and simply wasted money on nonsense to make herself feel better. Our home went into foreclosure. We’ve had to borrow money from family and friends on more than one occasion. My best friend, Buddy is still owed more than $40,000 and my father is owed between $15,000 and $20,000 along with over $80,000 in other debts.

My financial situation is now even more desperate due to several different factors. I am in the construction business and the downturn in the real estate market has affected my income tremendously. Between the time and money spent on this court case, and being a single parent raising three children, I have even less time to focus on business. I have “jumped through hoops” and followed every single order of the court to the absolute best of my ability while she did nothing but demand money. My main objective is to love, protect and provide for my children. Not only does Cruella make no attempt to help support them, she actually takes away from them. She has been given unsupervised visitation and continues to disappoint the children with her false promises. She has no concern for their emotional well being and has actually left my 12 year old son Sam alone with his 18 year old half brother Snake, who is currently under investigation for sexually abusing his sister Lilly, who has been living with her father, Rocco since this all began. I have lost my house and had to close my store and have restructured my business in order to be home for my children; and the court system, in it’s infinite wisdom has ordered me to pay her maintenance when it is me that has to maintain everything. It is very clear that I will be the sole provider for my children in every sense of the word and that’s just fine, but I feel that Cruella should be held accountable. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that she ever will be, however I do believe that “what goes around, comes around” and I just hope that when that day comes, that I’m around to see it.

Signed, Regular Guy


  1. How long did she have supervised visits for?

  2. She was professionally supervised for 3 months and then by family members for another 18 months.

  3. it seems to me that your court system really failed your children,from what i have read.
    how can this happen under a judge and child protective services.
    i can understand how an individual could get confused and not know how to handle such devastating circumstances, but the professionals who are there to serve and protect most of all the children, this seems unbelievable to me as an ordinary parent myself,that this could happen. has this case been handled throughout by the same judge???? and wasn't there a law guardian, and what exactly did the law guardian do, my understanding is the job of the law guardian is just that a guardian for the children, it sounds to me as though more then one person has not done their job, at great expense to the children in this case. I give you alot of credit for doing what alot of other men would have not even considered for one minute, in most cases they would say it was impossible to do, and it is, but if you didn't do it who would, their mother? doesn't sound like she could if she wanted to. Well Good Luck to you, and someday your children will know what you did for them, and what you protected them from, till then hang in keep strong, and have faith. And i to believe "what goes around comes around" I hope someone in the system reads this and takes a closer look on what is happening within the system that is suppose to protect the childrens rights, and try to give assistance to a parent who is desperatly trying to find the answers and do what is right for their children.

  4. Yes, "The System" did fail both my children and myself in several different areas, however I actually consider myself fortunate that it wasn't worse. I never lost custody of my children and there are many men that have. I have heard horror stories of good men completely alienated from their children for no good reason at all. "The System" is still heavily skewed in favor of the woman, in respect to who is granted physical custody and who has final decision making power. I won that battle; and yes, the entire case from start to finish was handled by the same judge; and yes, there was a law guardian appointed for my children. There were also forensic elvauations done.

    One problem here is "Joint Custody". The entire Family Court System, from the Judge, to the Law Guardian to the Court appointed forensic evaluators, are all stuck on the belief that the children should have unrestricted access to both parents. If both parents truly have the childrens' best interest at heart; that's wonderful, but far too often that is not the case and one parent or the other should be granted sole custody.

    Another problem is that once your case is settled, you're really on your own. Even though my Order Of Custody And Visitation clearly states all of the requirements that my "ex" has to meet in order to maintain her visitation priviledges and even though the Law Guardian was left on th case for a year after it was settled, I still get no help. I have sent numerouse letters in regards to the requirements that are not being met and how my childrens' safety and emotional well being are at risk; and the only response that I have gotten is "Well, if you want to change the visitation schedule, your going to have to take her back to court".

    I'll expand on all of this in some new posts.Thanks for your comment.

  5. Unfortunately the courts aim for medocrity and that aligns with the belief that Joint Legal Custody is the best. In the end the court tries to placate both parties and not ever take a firm stand that favors one parent over the other even if it is blatantly obvious. So long as the "other" parent will fight for his/her perceived rights, can fill out a petition, knows the number to CPS, or can afford legal counsel then the court will entertain such.
    As for Law Guardians, there are some good with a keen eye and others who are not. A Law Guardian should work in tandem with a psychologist and have other measures to ensure that the children are protected. Many professionals in the court system don't actively protect children against emotinal abuse. Sure if there is physcial abuse, medical neglect, educational neglect or other tangible abuses then one can usually get help from the courts, but when it is emotional abuse I see very little support.
    One recent study has reported that emotinal abuse does more harm than physical and sexual abuse in children.

  6. Very well said, and unfortunately "right on the mark". The scars left from emotional abuse are not so clearly visible. They will not heal like a bump or a bruise and can manifest into a lifetime of problems if left unchecked. What's sad is that the victim quite often has no idea that he/she is is even being abused.

    thanks for your comment.

  7. Actually, the system doesn't try to placate both parties. The system tries to placate itself by making sure to maximize the perverse incentives associated with separating (usually) fathers from their children.

    It's all about the child support collections and the Federal kickbacks states get from imposing the highest orders possible.


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